It wasn’t schizophrenia.

“You are depressed”, they said.  The word “schizophrenia” was also mentioned.

So, they ignored everything I had to say. I am not blaming them… I too would ignore a crazy person. Once you are labeled “crazy”, people just stop listening.

Still, I gave them the benefit of the doubt and I was totally fine with accepting that maybe I was depressed and maybe I was a very lucid slightly schizophrenic person. I was not in denial, I just wanted to finally give it a name and get the right pill for it. Try to fix it. Fix me.

I tried what they said, but it didn’t help. And my stomach hurt.

A whole year went by. Different pills, different therapies, different doctors. And my stomach still hurt.

It was my turn to stop listening.

I did not feel depressed. I felt pushed down. Exhausted. But, most of all, I had an urge to live. I wanted to laugh and be happy. I wanted to not care. It couldn’t be depression. Right?

Right. Actually.

I focused on my stomach pain (it was starting to get weird).

I asked the doctor to get tested for what I thought I had – after I googled my f*** fingertips off. She said I didn’t have it. It took her good 3 months to finally let me get tested.

I had worms.

Yes, worms. Microscopic ones (not to gross anyone out…). I had them for so long they – most likely – released a substance to my brain that mimics depression – so, I’ve read.

And the reason I believe that is because after 3 days of worm medication, I had no more panic attacks. 3 days… and I felt like my old self again.

Right now, I’m just happy all the people I see around me are actually real. If I think about it, the most schizophrenic thing I do is writing here as if I as talking to someone even though no one reads this shit.

Something to think about.

Night, guys.

fight club


2 thoughts on “It wasn’t schizophrenia.

    1. tell me about it, Lindsay! I suspect a restaurant I go to at lunchtime at work, but I really don’t know. I am just glad the girls don’t have it! It’s giardia.


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