Oh, people! *rolls eyes*

I just missed writing.

I guess I miss writing because I miss talking to people.

I have become one of those ladies that you run away from at the supermarket. I am begging for a conversation. But not just any conversation… I miss talking to people I find interesting and people who make me laugh. You know… people who know who Jordan Catalano is.

Ironically enough, I thought about leaving facebook today because, even though I live on the other side of the world and have no friends around, sometimes, some of the people I left behind STILL manage to exhaust my patience with their posts about the shit they believe in and that I just… don’t.

I miss people because right now there are only 10 people in my life. But I still wish there were like 20… tops!

Nothing complicated about that.

And this is what I doodled today… it’s not related at all to how I was feeling. Or is it? I don’t know…

doodle

 

Done panicking and wishing

When I started this blog I called it “I am not always panicking“. Because I really wasn’t. I enjoyed those 5 minutes between one panic attack and the next.

Later, I learned how to control them.

We moved to Canada and, all our wishes were about to come true. The snow would fall outside as the Christmas lights would reflect on our window.

The snow I had wished for for so long was now a part of my life. A very permanent part, may I add.

But at one point, the wishing was over too.

When this summer came I realized how the rain made me feel. I am not sure it was the colors, the smell or the memories it brought back. It was just a feeling.

One of the wettest summer in the history of Ottawa made me realize something inside me was changing. Drop after drop, my heart became full. I was experiencing this weird new feeling, … this… happiness.

I was done panicking, done wishing. I was about to find my place in this country. I was heading home.

To me, home is a place where you can settle. A place so warm and comfortable you feel relaxed enough to “watch the puddles gather rain“. When you get there, you don’t look forward for the future and you don’t worry… you just enjoy every moment.

So, here’s where I find myself right now. I am happier when it rains. And here’s where you’ll find me for now.

I will dare to use the word “happy” on my blog’s title. I’ll be terrified of jinxing life, but I need to allow myself to knowledge that I am, in fact, happy. ¬†And hopefully, in a while, I will be adding the word “home” to it.

Sorry about the mess,

Shell

cloud